Wednesday, August 19, 2015

The 10 Worst Things About Living Abroad



Living abroad is amazing, and yet at the same time it absolutely SUCKS. There are positives, and there are negatives. Last week, I discussed what I feel are the five best reasons to live abroad. From conversations with others, I realized that many people are in the same boat- where living abroad is so great, it is difficult to explain. At the same time, living abroad can suck- and there is no better word for it. I want to be completely honest here, so in the spirit of full disclosure, here are the ten worst parts about living in another country! Please, please keep in mind as you read this though- in my opinion, the positives outweigh the negatives and this is an experience everyone should have. It will be one of the hardest, most challenging, and yet most rewarding and best things to do in your life.

1. The time difference. Living in Sweden, I was 7-8 hours ahead of my friends and family back home. This meant that often, I went to bed several hours before anybody finished their work day. As such, it made communicating and having in-depth conversations very difficult. The time difference certainly made it difficult to connect with anybody back home.

So grateful my family was able to come visit each year!
2. The physical difference. Living in Sweden, I was over 4,000 miles from my family and friends back home. Going home meant at least a 14-hour trip (and even that is on the short side, with 45 minute layovers, no delays, and no checked luggage). Virtual hugs are great, but sometimes physically seeing somebody and holding them just can't be beat.

3. Fear of Missing Out (FOMO), and constant FOMO. I hated this term until I moved abroad. Living in Sweden, I'll admit that I was worried about the things I was missing back home. Especially with social media, when everyone makes their lives seem so grand, at times I wondered if I was missing out by not living in the U.S. When I did visit the U.S., I worried that I was missing events and happenings in Sweden. Essentially, the more places you leave your heart- the more you will feel you are potentially missing out on things.

having a blast with my friends in LA this July- something I never would have done if we were moving back to Europe in August!
4. Actually missing out. Yes, living abroad you will actually miss out on things. I missed engagements, weddings, birthday, job celebrations, and even everyday events that I do cherish. I missed family get-togethers and holidays. These once-in-a-lifetime events occurred for people I know and love, and I wasn't able to be there. So yes, I did miss out.

5. Loneliness. Yes, living abroad can be lonely- very lonely. There were times when I did feel like I was alone, and had nobody to talk to. While this may have been untrue, moving abroad can be quite lonely.

6. Having your favorite TV shows be ruined. This translates back to the time difference- for example, let's look at the Bachelor. It airs at 8 PM Eastern time, or 3 AM in Sweden. Rather than stay up late, I would attempt to watch it the next day (or the following day, or whenever it was made available online)...unfortunately, many TV shows were ruined by people taking to all forms of social media to discuss the shows as they were happening. Did I unfriend and unfollow people because of this? Absolutely!

7. The communication barrier- both in regards to the people around you, and the people back home. As previously mentioned, it is difficult to talk to people back home because of the time difference. Relationships do fall to the side, or even fall apart, with people back home. With people around you, it can be difficult to communicate because of different languages. I know whenever I went out in public, if I heard a single word of English my ears automatically perked up and I was so excited to understand. The same thing goes with friends and acquaintances I did meet- let's be honest, when you are in a group setting where English is not the group's first language, people will revert to their first language. For me, this meant sitting, smiling, and pretending to be included when I felt nothing but.


Some of the terrific friends I did make while abroad!
8. Making new friends. I know this might sound weird but I'm a fairly introverted person. Making new friends is not always the easiest thing. On top of that, I'm honest to a fault and generally always say exactly what I think. Combine these two together, and making new friends is not the easiest thing- even as I form a relationship, chances are I might say something (on accident!) that offends the other person and not realize it. This is where I believe honesty is the best policy- if somebody says or does something that offends you, tell them. They might not ever know otherwise.

9. You change. You might be asking why this is one of the worst things about living abroad, and I suppose in a way its not. But at the same time, it is. Because you change, your thoughts change, how you view the world changes, and most definitely your relationships change. If and when you do return home, you are a different person than when you left, and this can be difficult for others to understand. It can be difficult for you to understand, or to put into words. Change is great, my friends, but change is hard.

End of the season banquet with great friends!
10. Repatriation is hard. In the last several months, I've experienced all the ups and downs of moving back home, only to move a few hours away- closer, but yet so far. I've experienced what it feels like to miss your life abroad while still enjoying current life. I've experienced jealousy over friends that are moving abroad right now. And I've experienced a difficult adjustment to this new life. Living in Sweden, I felt a part of something, and a part of a team- not only with my hockey team, but also with the wives of my husband's team. Now, it is different. Very different. And it is all a part of the repatriation process- albeit, the most difficult one.

So, there you have it with my opinion on the worst things about living abroad! Of course, I do believe that the positive factors greatly outweigh the negative things- it really isn't a contest! However, living abroad is not all sunshine and rainbows, and there are definitely days that are difficult. Fellow expats, what do you think the worst part has been?

10 comments:

  1. I think the physical distance is definitely the hardest thing. No matter ho good skype and other tools are, nothing beats having a conversation/hug in person sometimes!!
    Claire xx

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    1. I'm right there with you, Claire! In person conversation and hugs can't be replaced. Living abroad was great, but it was hard at times!

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  2. The FOMO and the distance would be two biggest ones for myself. I think it definitely will help you appreciate moreso the smallest things when you do get to go home and visit your family.

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    1. I completely agree with you. Returning home definitely makes you appreciate the smaller things, and can even help you to realize that maybe you didn't miss out on as much as you thought- but it is hard to deal with as it is happening!

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  3. Yes yes yes to making friends! I am an international school teacher, and every few years everyone leaves to go home or somewhere else. There is no home base of friends. It can be exhausting to try and form new relationships all of the time, especially when you are introverted.

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    1. Thank you! I'm sure that you feel similar to how I felt then since you are constantly trying to form new relationships- we were with a new team, and so new people and a new city, both years I lived abroad. Sounds like the teaching thing is similar! Thanks Jacqueline!

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  4. I know that sounds totally superficial now (even though I totally agree with all of your points) but the worst part for me is not having the same food around as at home. It's just so depressing when you're sick and you want a particular thing to eat because you always eat that at home when you're sick but can't get that anywhere in your new place! :D

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    1. NOTHING is superficial, especially when it comes to food. Each year going to Sweden I would bring at least a bag of Reese's peanut butter cups...and visitors were required to bring two bags per person. I completely forgot about the food thing! But it was always one of my recommendations to people moving abroad for their first time, was that if they enjoy comfort food to bring some with for emergencies. So you brought up another great one!

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  5. I can totally relate to this! Specially the part of not feeling included in anything because of the language barrier. How did you dealt with it? I just stare at my phone all the time!

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    1. Honestly- I would love to say I dealt well with it, but I didn't. It was one of the most difficult things for me, especially because even sometimes the people you know would do it. I'm sure you've experienced something like that with your husband, where him and friends just slip into Slovenian because it is easier (I do understand that it can be easier)...but it just sucks for the 'outside' person, in this case you or I. I learned to just awkwardly smile/nod and at the soonest possible point try to switch conversations back over to English. You should check out the show "Welcome to Sweden" ...it was super funny, and had a lot of valid points about being an expat! Watching it I felt like I was the only one who understood the situation, but definitely learned that isn't true!

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